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This place is so full...yet in some ways, very empty too. Let me explain. (No, there is too much--let me sum up!)
Each and every day, I have been struck by the profound beauty of the nature I am blessed to be surrounded by here. Not only do I get to explore the park on my days off, I am also fortunate enough to work right on Crater Lake itself four days each week. From the moment I began exploring the beauty of this place, I couldn't help but be amazed by the brilliance of the colors everywhere. The lake is the bluest blue I could ever imagine, the trees and moss the greenest greens, the wild lavender the purplest purple... The nature is authentic, through and through. God shines through everywhere.
I have been able to hike some truly wonderful hikes, climb some really cool rocks, swim in and drink from the purest lake in the world (and the deepest in America--1943ft!). I've had the chance to begin building friendships with all kinds of people from all kinds of places: Taiwan, Thailand, Colombia, Guatemala, China, Texas, North Carolina, New Jersey, and many more. So many cultures collide here, and I have the opportunity to learn so much from them all. My Taiwanese friends know not to feed me 'mien fun,' which is the Mandarin word for flour. My wise, sweet, and clever Air Force veteran friend took me for a town trip in his sports car, all the while sharing so many stories and thoughts about his life and the vast experience he's had throughout his years. I want to be like him when I grow up. I've summited the oldest mountain in the Cascade range (Union Peak) with a couple of coworkers. I've led worship services in the forest with a sweet Texan girl who is full of wisdom and grace, and who reminds me of the power of the Holy Spirit to speak and move through willing servants.
However, as interesting as this environment and these people are, many of them are very lost. When I first heard about the ministry of ACMNP, I automatically assumed that the main mission would be reaching out to visitors of Crater Lake, but my fellow concessionaire employees are the people I really have the chance to do life with.
Working in a national park--or having any seasonal job, for that matter--is something that many people do to try to find themselves or something. Given the fact that we live IN A NATIONAL PARK, I've been shocked by the amount of people who fall into a culture of partying: drinking, doing drugs, and having a lot of sex. People here are looking for something, but rather than really searching for the thing they lack, so many self-medicate and avoid the reality and the difficulty of the personal journey. Many people seem to hope that meaning will fall into their laps.
This morning, I had the privilege of giving the sermon during our worship service. I spoke on the topic of "searching." That is what so many people here are doing, myself included. I have found myself struggling to connect with God in the midst of this strange culture, despite the divine beauty and presence of the setting. I feel as though there is some film distorting my view, distracting my thoughts, and keeping me from connecting more intimately with this place and all it offers. I am seeking God, and I know he is the one and only answer to my lacking. But how I will find Him and reconnect, I have yet to discover.
The other people here, though...they don't know how to fill the God-sized hole they were created with. Christ came to offer us life, and that abundantly, and He is the only answer that could ever satisfy our wanting. At this morning's worship service, I was reminded and encouraged by an attending couple that "the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot overcome it." I am so thankful to be in this place and to know the light and life God offers to all who are willing to receive it, and I truly and deeply hope that God uses me to shine brightly to bring hope and life to this place.
Through conversations I've had and such, I can already see that God is working in people's hearts. I know His grace and love, and I pray that God would use myself and my ministry partner to share His character with the people in this place. I know (some of) God's Truth, and I have the amazing chance to share it with these people who are in real need of it. What a blessing...and a challenge! So I would most definitely say that this glass is half full.
I guess this will be an epilogue of sorts... I wrote the rest of this post Sunday night, but this I am writing Monday night.
I cherished a really incredible day at work today. One of our boats was down, so we were running on a limited schedule. This, though somewhat common, was unfortunate; however, it allowed me to embrace the day and the place for everything it had to offer. As I hiked down to the lake (what a commute!) with a coworker, I could see that the water was impeccably still this morning, and the reflection of the caldera on it was breathtaking.
One of the first things I did after arriving at the bottom was fill my water bottle. Have I told y'all that this lake is so darn pure it's potable?? As I slowly filled the bottle, the only movements on the water were the ripples made by bubbles coming up as the bottle filled and the occasional fish popping up to the surface. I could see a few small fish lazily swimming below the surface in the ultra-clear water.
From there, I walked over toward the bathrooms. Today was my day to really deeply clean the compostable toilets (yum!), but because we were running a limited schedule for boat tours, I didn't have to rush through it. On my walk over, I saw a momma ground squirrel (which look a lot like chipmunks) and her stubborn little baby on the hillside. As I stood there watching them, a hummingbird came to suck nectar from some flowers not a yard away from me, and then a lizard darted by me on the path. What gifts!
After my cleaning duties were over, I jumped into the (very refreshing!) lake because it was already such a warm morning. Not long after, I swam again to recover what I thought was a piece of trash from the lake. It turned out that the shiny floating thing I saw was actually a rock!! The red piece of pumice I retrieved was porous to the point of buoyancy.
Once more today I got to swim in the lake's beautiful water, but that time I went out to the middle of the lake on the extra boat during a slow spell to jump off it into the lake. Phones were forgotten for photos, but I'll do it again :)
So really, all in all, my day was absolutely marvelous. However, I am feeling the sadness of this community more and more; not a minute after I returned to the employee dorm, a friend told me that my air force friend, whom I greatly admire, had suddenly left without warning. I knew he had been struggling with the mundaneness of his shuttle driver job and the stagnancy of the place and community, but he had told me many a time that he had made his commitment for the summer, and he fully intended to keep it.
I don't know what exactly happened to be enough to change his mind on that, but I do know that I am very sad to lose his presence here. There are so many things about him I will (and already do) miss. His humor, his -isms, his wisdom and stories and advice, his insights, his dedication, his curiosity, his excitement and support for each Sunday's worship service, his giddy little laugh and grin... all things I value and will sorely miss.
The leaving of my climbing friend caught me off-guard; but that was his character in a way. It was the strangest goodbye I had ever experienced. But the leaving of this friend, just two days later, shocked me completely and has affected me very much. And I had no chance to say goodbye at all. This place is like none I have ever experienced. People can come and go in a moment: those who are wandering and restless hearts and those who have strong resolve alike.
I refuse to discount the beauty of this day for that. However, I am shaken. God is teaching me something. Please pray I will continue to seek it.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me, and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"
Psalm 139: 23-24, ESV